Ah, The Spa: A Repeat Post for Your Enjoyment

We're still in Vegas having fun. I'll tell you all about it next week!

Meanwhile, Jeana reminded me that one time I had a masseuse fall asleep and some of you were interested in reading it. Here's that story (originally posted July 13, 2006).

Ah, the spa. My little Journey to Nirvana was, are you ready for this? Meh. Seriously. I’m glad I did it, but I don’t think I’d choose it again.

The young lady giving me the treatment was very friendly (she asked a lot of questions and had a lot of comments) and smiled a LOT. Which is great if you’re having coffee and trying to rev up for your day. It’s not that great if you’re trying to relax and forget your day (not that I’d had a bad day, but I WAS trying to be in the moment). For some reason she felt she had to tell me about every little thing she was doing to me:

• I’m slathering you with disgustingly thick mucus-y stuff with bits of bark in it.
• I’m going to wrap you up like a mummy now. But before I do that, here’s a really hot, wet towel so you don’t catch pneumonia.
• I’m going to drip oil on your face and coat your hair in the same oil.

(Um, I may have embellished those statements for lame comedic effect, but the gist is there. Just so you know.)

The Wrap: She really did lather me up in the most disgusting stuff. It smelled good, though. I think it was rose and orange. The wrap-up wasn’t too disconcerting, but I don’t know that I’ll do it again. The face massage was a few sad little strokes across my cheekbones. The scalp massage was less massage and more coating my hair in oil. I’m not sure any of the oil made it to my scalp. It took me three washings to get it all out. I was so sad it’s 2006 and not 1988. I could have capitalized on my "wet" look.

After she wrapped me up, she said, “I’m just going to tuck myself into this corner for 20 minutes. You relax. After 20 minutes I’ll unwrap you and rinse you off.” Then she proceeded to “tuck” herself into the corner by literally covering herself up with a sheet. Every time she moved it rustled. And then? Are you sitting down? She fell. Asleep. She only woke up when her snoring woke her up. (I swear I didn’t embellish that for comedic effect.) I’m totally serious.

The Rinse: OK. For those of you who have never had a wrap (like me) you may be appalled at the MESS IT MAKES. I was kind of grossed out because I hate my linens to be soggy and soggy they were. She did a pretty good job keeping wet and dry linens separate, but you can’t keep them completely separate and I had to go to my happy place.

The water from the shower sprays down on you from above and it soaks the sheets you’re on. Afterward, she started rolling the sheets down the table and then had me “hop” on to the dry sheets underneath. (Let’s just say that when you’re nudie baby that hop is not as elegant as one may imagine.) It wasn’t too bad, but like I said, I was still wet and laying on clean, dry sheets and that is JUST NOT RIGHT. I don’t blame her for this. I just say it as a warning for those out there who need it to make an informed decision about having a wrap.

The Massage: This was not a massage. This was warm oil poured over me and then smeared. It was OK, but I like a massage, I like to feel my muscles relaxing. Warm oil and smearing is not something I want anyone else but Husband to do to me. Frankly, I was a little icked out, and that’s not too easy to do.

Other Stuff: I did like the wet and dry saunas. I did like the orange-infused and cucumber-infused water. I did like the fruit offered to me. I especially liked reading on the balcony of the spa overlooking the golf course. I was relaxed and I was child-free. I was on a little get away with my husband. It was good. I am glad I chose the treatment if only to know that it’s not what I want next time. I can stop wondering and just go with the massage I know I’ll love.

Comments

[We are THAT family]

A good massage can CHANGE your life. I bad one can just make you take an extra shower! Hope all your future massages are good!

[Shalee]

Gah! If you go for Naria, it should totally be worth the trip.

Oh, and remind me to not get a massage with you. I like my people AWAKE, yet quiet!

[Mrs. Who]

Yeah, that's just not right. I've had meh spa experiences and fabulous spa experiences and there really is quite the difference. I hate the ones that coat you with oil and don't give a good massage. Although I have never had anyone fall asleep in the room. They normally leave and give you some time alone. The one time I had a wrap, there was a shower in the room and I got up and rinsed all the gunk off in the hot shower. I can't imagine having them rinse it off while you lie on the bed. That gunk was EVERYWHERE!!