Don't Try This At Home

Bloggy Giveaways: My Latest Escapade As A Pilot Fish

Hey, have you heard? Shannon’s decided it’s time to step down from Bloggy Giveaways. Never fear, though, I am a pilot fish*. I troll behind Shannon waiting to pounce on whatever scraps she’ll leave me.

When she offered to pass Bloggy Giveaways over to me I practically choked on my Taco Bueno trying to say YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU!

So that’s what I’ve spent this week doing: transferring files and designs and information to my account. My goal is to have a seamless change-over on Monday, March 3. I hope you’ll continue to visit Bloggy Giveaways and enter to win the fabulous giveaways. I have some great vendors and products lined up! You’re going to love it!

*The pilot fish congregates around sharks, rays, and sea turtles, where it eats ectoparasites on and leftovers around the host species. Definition from Answers.com.

I Love My Husband

This is going to be one of those incredibly sappy posts wherein I tell you all sorts of mushy gushy stuff about how much I love my husband. I may just get all Precious Moments on your ass, so if you need to, move on to the next blog.

You see, I love my husband. I really, truly, honestly love my husband.

Things are better when he’s around.

Things are easier to decide if I can talk to him.

Things are easier to manage if I can feel his hand in mine.

Sleep is definitely easier if he is beside me in the bed.

On the nights Husband comes home from work and there is no supper waiting, he never complains. He just makes dinner. I’m ashamed to admit how often this happens.

Husband is not only a great husband, but an amazing dad. He has, since day one, always bathed the kids. And, although I was in charge of rocking babies most nights, he took over all tucking-in duties when the kids graduated to big beds. He still does this.

My favorite thing about my husband is that he loves us back. He is home every night at 5:30 so he can have dinner with us, help with homework, play games, and tuck in because we are important to him.

I love my husband.

Of course, those I love the most are also subject to becoming one of my stories. And, oh do I have stories about this man. Just remember that, no matter what I write, I write it with the utmost love and reverence.

Super Mommy v. Zeee Artiste

I have a pretty high threshold for pain, but I find that some things gross me out easily. On the other hand, things you might find disgusting may fascinate me (a broken bone protruding from your skin, for instance--wow).

When I became a mom I found that I could hold a colicky baby for hours on end without the need for a break. I was able to find my zen or my chi or whatever. I also found that I could function on minimal sleep, pack a diaper bag like nobody’s business, and schedule a play date with my mom’s group while keeping all napping schedules in mind.

In short, I believed I was the most amazing thing since sliced bread and surely no other mom could compete with my abilities. After all, I was the first woman in the history of all women to give birth to the most perfect of all babies and that required nothing less than my perfect mothering abilities.

In fact, I fancied myself the Superman of Mommies. I boasted of my ability to catch (and clean up) vomit--even if it didn’t come from my own kid. I was invincible. See? This doesn’t even gross me out!

Until one day I went to check on my first-born during his afternoon nap. I could hear that he was awake, but was playing quietly. At 18 months, I figured I could let him play for a bit and then I’d go get him.

When I finally decided to take him out of his crib, nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see.

There, in his sleigh crib with it’s perfect Classic Winnie-the-Pooh sheets and dust ruffle, next to his full-wall Pooh mural sat my baby. Covered from head to toe in baby poopy.

My son was painting with his feces.

It was in the crib, on the crib, on the walls, and on the baby. It was everywhere. Not a single nook or cranny had escaped the artistic expression.

Under normal circumstances I would have tossed the sheets, the diaper, and the baby into the trash, closed the door, and called it a day. Three little letters kept creeping into my brain, though: C P S.

There was nothing for it but to hold my breath and start wiping off the child so he could be placed anywhere but there.

As I gagged and dry-heaved, I cleaned up the mess. I wiped down and disinfected the walls and crib. I washed the sheets. I did not throw the baby away.

Kryptonite, thy name is baby poopy. And you gross me out.

Thundercats are GO!

Last weekend I drove four hours to Dallas to spend two nights with my Sister from another Mister, Emily. The main purpose for this little excursion was for the two of us to spend 12 hours in a movie theater on Saturday watching each of the five movies nominated for Best Picture of 2007. Unless you love movies like I do, you can't imagine how much fun I had watching and discussing movies with Emily.

Emily's husband nailed the 12-hour movie-going demographic. The audience was made up of three kinds of people: two friends that happen to be women, older couples, or fat single men. He nailed it, I tell you. The fat single men were also those who liked to talk very loud about their ideas on LOTR and Star Wars. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Except for their weird need to be noticed for their unlimited knowledge of Hobbiton. Said men kept talking loudly, then would glance around to see if anyone were watching them with awe. Um, itweren't awe, y'all.

The movies we saw were (in order):

1. Michael Clayton: Emily summed it up best: How can you look at George Clooney in anything without thinking, "Oooooo! This is a tight spot!" Besides, I think I've seen this movie before with Russell Crowe and tobacco. This was my least favorite of the five.
2. There Will Be Blood: I loved Daniel Day Lewis. I thought this was a phenomenal movie. Emily didn't care for it as much. Watching a strong man break is always interesting, I think. FYI: There Will Be Blood was based on Oil! by Upton Sinclair. I have the novel on reserve from the library and I can't wait to see what I missed in the movie version.
3. Atonement: (Also based on a novel--of the same name--by Ian McEwan.) I loved James McAvoy as the fawn in The Chronicles of Narnia. I love him even more without his fawn makeup. Y'all. I'm talking piercing, mesmerizing blue eyes. The story was interesting, but it lost steam.
4. Juno: This was one of my favorite movies, but not. It's hysterically written and superbly acted. As a mother of a daughter, though, I was torn. This movie is ultimately a love story and our heroine just happens to be pregnant. I wanted Juno to suffer and know the consequences of her actions. As an audience we catch glimpses of her frustration (an argument in a hallway, sadness in the hospital), but really it's about Juno's personality and finding her way to her love. It's mainstreaming teen pregnancy. On principle, I have a problem with that. However, I loved this movie for the one-liners (one of which provided the title for this post). I'm really torn. It's hilarious, but why are we glorifying this with humor? I hate to admit that I loved this movie because I really didn't want to, even though it was getting rave reviews. As a mother have I completely lost my sense of humor? I hope not.
5. No Country for Old Men: Holy Canoli! Violent. Really, really, blood-gushing, cover-your-eyes, please-don't-kill-anyone-for-five-seconds violent. Fargo was violent, but it was funny. This was violent with a little humor here and there, mostly in the form of the deputy. I was tense through most of this movie. It just doesn't let you relax.

The thing about all the movies was that I didn't feel like I had the entire story. I felt like the movies were abridged somehow (which is why I've reserved what books I can from the library--I want to see if they were, in fact, abridged or true to the novels). It was frustrating to sit through each movie and wonder if I'd really seen all there was to see.

Have you seen any of the movies? What did you think?

The February Funk

Apparently I took a blogging break last week and didn't even plan it. Therefore, I told no one including myself. I didn't plan to not post anything besides reviews. I simply didn't feel like it. Probably because our days around here are looking like this:

 

We have entered the February Funk phase of winter. I need some sunlight, y'all. All I want to do is curl up in a ball under the covers with my cat on my legs and sleep. When I'm awake I want to eat then take a nap. I am a bear.

This week I have plans. I want to tell you about the artistic tendencies of my son when he was 18 months old. The party-planning maniac my husband is. The most amazing gift I've ever given. Where leprechauns live. I'm working on something with Shannon.

Must. Keep. Going.

It should be a much better week than last week if I can just take it a step at a time and keep moving.

It still looks the same outside.

Chili Tried: Senseo Coffee Pod System

I received a Senseo Coffee Pod System to review. Not only do I have a review for you today, I have a chance to win one and some $20 coupons for five lucky readers! Head over to ChiliTried.com right now!

Chili Tried: Free Fiber One Cereal

I have information on how you can receive a free sample of Fiber One Cereal from EatBetterAmerica.com. The deadline is March 31, 2008. Head over to ChiliTried.com to read about the details.

New Post at Chili Tried Today!

I won two free hours from Vital Office Solutions and loved it so much I reviewed it at Chili Tried! If you could use an extra pair of hands, you won't wan to miss this one.

Compassion

I'm thinkin' there aren't too many of you who haven't been checking Shannon's and Sophie's blogs. They've had some amazing encounters. So, instead of my normal YouTube, I'm linking to some phenomenal pictures and video from Compassion's blogging trip (for the one of you have hasn't seen them).

Carlos has a heart-wrenching video of Shannon meeting her adoptee for the first time. Y'all her family has loved this little boy sight-unseen and Shannon finally got to meet him. It was amazing. I'm not a cryer and I teared up. I'm telling you. Amazing.

Keely has a Flickr group of photos that are frameable. These children are simply beautiful. You can't deny the poverty, though. Keely's photo-journalism is worth studying.

Shaun gives you the low-down on just where your money goes when you sponsor a child. Eighty percent of your $32 monthly contribution goes to the child you sponsor. So many charities just take your money and put it directly toward admin costs and you feel like you aren't making a difference at all. I have to say that the more I read, the more I hear, the more I research, Compassion is turning out to be the charity that does what it says.

Six-Word Memoir

Could you summarize your life in six words? Have you lived enough that six words would do?

From Boing Boing:

Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure, edited by Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser, is an anthology of several hundred six-word autobiographies. I wish all tombstones came with stories like these:

• Despite disorders, jafroed jewboy gets girl. -- Michael Eisner

• Didn't pull out. Downhill from there. -- Roger Daubach

• Thought I would have more impact. -- Kevin Clark

It's sort of like haiku, but not. Six words isn't many. It requires some thought.

What would your six-word memoir be?

Insecure girl finds her outside voice.

Laugh. Content. Respect. Love. Family. Friends.