May is Mental Health Month

This blog and my writing are not medically licensed. I am not a doctor and I don’t play one on my blog. What I am writing are my experiences and my opinions.  If you think you need help, I urge you to see your doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or licensed councilor.

This entry was originally published in May, 2006.

May is Mental Health Month. I want to write a few things about depression because it’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a child. As an adult I was diagnosed with major depression and put on medication.

I do not enjoy having attention drawn to me, especially for something like depression. One of the things I’ve hated most about having depression is feeling that there is so much drama surrounding it. Admitting you are depressed or have feelings of hurting yourself is somehow akin to the eighth-grade girl who needs attention so badly she’ll do or say anything (true or untrue) to get it. I do not write these things for attention or sympathy. On the contrary, these things are very difficult to share. My hope is that if, by reading what I have experienced, you recognize yourself you will find the help you need.

Diagnosis

Here is a list of depression symptoms from The National Institute of Mental Health:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Before I was diagnosed, I had issues with sadness, irritability, impatience, anxiety, insomnia and a number of other seemingly unrelated symptoms. I could not and would not make decisions for fear I would choose wrongly or inconvenience someone. Can you imagine having someone ask you what kind of bread you’d like your sandwich on and literally not being able to make a choice? That happened to me regularly. Those benign decisions would paralyze and embarrass me.

In particular, my impatience and irritability were two symptoms I never attributed to depression. However, after taking my medication I discovered they were at the heart of the tell-tale signs. If you are angry with everyone and no one seems to be doing anything right, you may want to look at yourself first. It is entirely possible that every fool on earth has invaded your space, or it could be that you’re depressed. Stop for a minute and really look at yourself and your behavior. Allow yourself to be completely honest. I’m not talking about dealing with the idiot cashier at Wal-Mart or the dork that pulled out in front of you when the light was clearly red. I mean your every day interactions with your family, friends, and co-workers. When you are unhappy with yourself, it is impossible to be happy with anyone else.

It is common sense that if depression is left untreated it will escalate and become worse. It will not go away by itself. Did you know, though, that left untreated depression can lead to lesions on your hippocampus (Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression)? This is not an imaginary disease. It is real and it requires medical attention. It is possible that you can overcome your symptoms by discussing your issues with a licensed councilor, others will need medication. Either way, you must address it.

A few more things I found out via an NPR interview last week:

• Six percent of those diagnosed with major depression will commit suicide.
• 1 in 10 or 1 in 20 (depending on the data you view) suffer from depression. It is important to know you are not alone in this.
• You can and will lose life years by not addressing and treating your depression. This can be taken as losing life to suicide or losing life years because you simply stop living life by staying inside yourself.

Comments

[daring one]

Thanks for this Chili. I often joke that when I'm depressed, my family is suddenly so totally annoying and rude. Um... yeah... all of them.

[Julie]

Great post and how very true. Irritability was my most noticeable symptom but since I had no clue that it WAS a symptom I stumbled on for months before finally getting help and being diagnosed with depression. I vividly remember the huge feeling of relief that first morning, a few days after starting Wellbutrin, when I woke up in a GOOD MOOD. I had almost forgotten what that was like.

[Maddy]

Thank you for sharing this private posting. I didn't know it was mental health day, I was visited here after checking the 'blog against Disablism Day' which is also May 1st.
Best wishes
http://whitterer-autism.blogspot.com

[Melissa]

Thanks for posting this.... I think so many of us suffer thinking we must be crazy and no one else understands the misery and loneliness of chronic depression.

I too have been suffering with it since high school and have just in the past three years made some attempts to try meds.

Just started a new one to me and praying this one works long term without all those nasty side effects (headaches, nausea, drowsiness, voracious appetite) I have had previously.

Comforting to know there are others out there.
:)

[Rocks In My Dryer]

I'm so glad you re-posted this. VERY important information.

[Kim Hart]

Excellent information. As a person who lives with Bipolar Disorder and its frequent visits of depression, it's always good to hear see some commonsense information on the net about depression. Thank you for sharing.

[Michelle]

Thanks so much for writing this and reposting it. I'm 38 and have dealt with depression and PTSD for most of my life. I deal with plenty of stigma, even still from my own family. Fortunately they have come around a lot in the past 5 years or so. You have done a great thing here, Chili!

[Cal]

Just visited your blog for the first time today (via Queen Mama) and already feel a strog connection to you just by this post.
Thanks for sharing such a personal subject. I too have been afflicted with depression since adolescence and it is comforting to know that I am not alone- as it so often feels.
Great post. Do you mind if I share it on my blog?

[Aubrey]

Hey - I AM a doctor (ok, so graduation is in a week and a half) and I really appreciated your post. It seems to me that many well-intentioned Christians just don't understand that depression is a medical illness. It doesn't mean that you aren't being spiritual enough or that just by simply praying you can get over it. (But certainly spirituality can affect mental health and prayer can be something to help people cope.) Depression comes from an actual chemical deficiency in the brain that leads to all the symptoms you talked about like irritability, anxiety, sleeplessness, apathy, etc. When people don't take depression seriously enough, there are BAD consequences, like suicide. So thanks again for the great post! (And even if you aren't a doctor, your information was right on the money. Who needs med school when you have the internet?)

[Cah]

Having been diagnosed with depression in my preteen years, I have spent most of my life trying to head it; ashamed of it. While this year has been a terribly difficult one for me, it has also created a lot of growth for me and I am coming to finally accept my depression as an actual illness. And, I have opened myself to it by posting a couple public blog posts regarding it. This post, written by you, was a brick in my wall of confidence and I sincerely thank you for posting it.

In case you are interested, here are links to my depression-related posts:

http://ourlittlehouse21.blogspot.com/2007/08/absenteeism.html
http://ourlittlehouse21.blogspot.com/2007/08/dichotomy-of-me.html
http://ourlittlehouse21.blogspot.com/2007/08/today.html

Thank you again for sharing.