Papa's Got a Sqeeze Box, Daddy Never Sleeps at Night
Charlotte told me this one, and actually the story belongs to her sister. Her sister, by the way, is a year younger than me, has her Ph.D., is the CEO of a hospital, and just had her first baby. Yeah. I'm not feeling a bit like I haven't accomplished anything. Nope. I'm good. Anyway...
Charlotte's sister has a gay guy (not that there's anything wrong with that) that works for her. He and his partner have a weiner dog (or dachshund for the resoundingly PC). You'll see why that's funny in a minute--and it's not even because they're gay!
These guys took their dog in to be neutered but the anesthesia wore off too soon. Before anyone had checked on the dog he had woken up and chewed off his penis. Yes. The weiner dog chewed off his own weiner. It gets better. Yes, it does.
Now when the dog has to go to the bathroom, one of the guys has to take the dog outside and squeeze him to relieve the bladder. I know. All you animal lovers are hating me right now. And all I can do is laugh and try to type through my tears. You can hate me, but yes, I find this hilarious. I know at least six other people who do too.
Oh. My. I'm not sure whether to laugh (my first reaction) or to feel really bad for the dog (reaction #2) or to feel REALLY bad for the guy who has to sqeeze pee out of the dog every couple of hours.
Oh. My.
Posted by: Goslyn | September 15, 2006 at 05:35 AM
Wow! I am definitely going to have to stop reading you with my children present! First cats, now dogs --- Aughhh! Oh my
Posted by: peach | September 15, 2006 at 07:10 AM
Stop it!! Now THAT is FUNNY!!!! I'm totally picturing this guy squeezing his dog. HA!
Posted by: Minnie | September 15, 2006 at 08:30 AM
OK, our coffee maker broke this morning and I seriously needed a pick-me-up. This did it! This was the funniest thing I have read in a very long time. Thank you for your wonderful blog and your sense of humor! Erin
Posted by: Erin | September 15, 2006 at 08:35 AM
This one takes the cake, Chili.
Posted by: Shannon @ Rocks in my Dryer | September 15, 2006 at 08:37 AM
.......................speechless...........................
Kilikina
Posted by: Kilikina | September 15, 2006 at 08:38 AM
I.can't.type.laugh.too.hard.crying.too.poor.dog.
Posted by: Aunt Murry | September 15, 2006 at 09:16 AM
Oh my I am sooo at a loss for words I am too busy trying to catch my breath from laughing...
Posted by: Laurel Wreath | September 15, 2006 at 09:48 AM
No. Way.
I don't even know what to say.
Posted by: Heth | September 15, 2006 at 09:49 AM
Oh gosh!! THAT was funny! Way more than 6 people think this is funny now!
Posted by: Karla Neese | September 15, 2006 at 11:01 AM
I just have like no idea what to say...I'm torn between shock, horror and hysteria....
He seriously chewed of his own...Oh my ...
Posted by: Susan | September 15, 2006 at 11:12 AM
wow. that is the weirdest thing i've heard in a long time.
Posted by: the sassy lime | September 15, 2006 at 12:07 PM
Whoa. Can't they make that dog a prosthetic penis or something??
Posted by: Suburban Turmoil | September 15, 2006 at 12:37 PM
LOL!! a prosthetic penis! I don't care who you - THAT'S FUNNY!!
Posted by: Heather | September 16, 2006 at 09:48 AM
You totally made that up. I mean, how can she have a PhD AND be the CEO of a hospital AND have a new baby? No way.
Oh, wait, that wasn't the point of the story, was it?
Posted by: Susan | September 16, 2006 at 12:46 PM
Hilarious.
Posted by: gj | September 16, 2006 at 08:43 PM
That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.
HAHHAAHAHAHAH!
Posted by: Beck | September 19, 2006 at 02:02 PM