Don't Try This At Home

Wild Thing is Growing Up

Wild Thing is almost six. She's so close she can actually taste it. Just five more days!

We've been planning her party (which will happen on Sunday) since kindergarten started back in August. It changes weekly, but revolves around a central theme: her and how to keep all eyes on her. This little girl is the epitome of the word narcissist extrovert and I love her dearly for it.

We have settled on a Diva party. Her friends are all coming dressed to the nines. We'll be putting on makeup (thanks to my aunt--the Mary Kay rep--who sent us a ton of samples!) and doing our hair. Then each one will have a turn on the runway. After that it's show time! We are going to set up the video camera so each girl can sing and dance to her heart's content and watch herself on TV. Oh yes. Wild Thing is so excited she cannot. stand. it. I will post pictures next week if there are any appropriate for this blog.

So I'm off to plan and clean and get things ready. I'll see you on Monday!

A few things I didn't think I'd ever say to another human

1. Stop hitting yourself in the head with that golf ball.

2. If you pick up your room and are very good, I will let you sleep on my floor tonight.

Seriously.

Works for Me Wednesday: Sewing Kits

My good friend Shannon has worked herself into blog stardom by coming up with a unique and extremely useful weekly column for her blog. It's called Works For Me Wednesday and you really need to check it out if you haven't already (who am I kidding? I think anyone who reads me found me through her!).

Here is my WFMW tip: I take the little sewing kits from the hotels we visit. I have one in my travel bag that I never remove so it's there no matter what when we travel. I have one in my purse for emergencies. And I have one in my vanity drawer downstairs so I don't have to schlepp all the way upstairs for needle and thread like a sucker.

In Cold Blood

I watched Capote a few weeks ago and was interested enough to want to read In Cold Blood. I finished the book this weekend. The book is about a quadruple homicide in Holcomb, KS in the late 1950s. Two men robbed a ranching family and then brutally murdered the father, mother, son, and daughter. The murderers left with about $40, a pair of binoculars, and a transistor radio.

One of the most interesting things about this book is that it really was the first of its kind, the first true crime novel. In the movie Capote, the killers and their relationship to Capote were portrayed a certain way. Not until you've read the book, though, can you really see what those men were like. The robberies and murders themselves were horrifying. The psychological profile of these men was even more so.

The book outlines the before, during, and after of the murders, and the trial and subsequent hanging of these men. It is the "after" the murders part of the book that is most chilling. These men were victims in their own minds and wanted everyone to pay. Not once did either of them take responsibility for their actions. In fact, while describing their psychological makeup and that of some other prisoners on death row, I could not help thinking of those students that have taken guns to schools and shot their peers or the postal worker(s) who have decided to take matters into their own hands. In their minds it was not them at fault, but the world. And if the people they hurt were not the worst, well, then the murderers were doing them a favor by taking them out of this cruel place.

I do recommend this book. It's an interesting and quick read. I think you can skim some parts and still get the gist of it. As I said, it's interesting if for nothing else than that it was a) the first true crime book and b) Capote's last finished book.

The Squid and The Whale

I was prepared for this movie to be "meh" at best. I was pleasantly (if that's even the appropriate word) surprised. It was better than "meh", it was dead on. This is not a feel good movie. There is no happy ending, but on the bright side, no one dies either. For those of you unfortunate enough to have gone through the divorce of your parents, you'll know what I mean.

The movie shows the breakup of a family due to many things. The mother has back-to-back affairs and leaves clues around the house. The father is a complete narcissist and is brainwashing the elder son to be just like him. He is jealous of his wife's achievements, believes anyone who doesn't share his skewed opinions is a philistine, and is overall a very unlikeable character.

The most disturbing parts of the movie are the effects the divorce has on the children. The eldest appears to completely buy in to the father's narcissism and, to prove to others that he is as smart as he thinks he is, plagarizes Pink Floyd; the youngest turns to drinking beer and masturbating at school.

There are parts that break your heart: schedules are mixed up and children left alone, parents use "their night" as the excuse to either have or not have the children in the house regardless of where the children want to be, there is resentment and blame targeted at one or both parents, both parents tell their children "truths" that they are more than likely too young to hear but that will put them (the parent telling that particular truth) in the better light. In short, the parents become so enmeshed in their own drama that they forget their children are children. They begin talking to and treating them as mini adults.

Although this movie is dealing with sombre subject matter, there are humorous bits as well: how the cat will figure into the joint custody, whether the dad actually tried to save the marriage or not (you'll have to see the scene toward the end, I couldn't describe it if I tried).

I do recommend it, but hesitantly. You know best what kind of movies you like. This didn't leave me crying, but I wasn't laughing either. I was thinking, though.

Something funny that JUST happened

Max (at the top of his lungs--god forbid he actually climb the stairs): MooooooooooMMMM!

Me: Yes?

Max (in his best tattle-tale voice): Wild Thing just turned out the lights while I was in the bathroom!

Me: (inside my head: What the? I'm bloggin' here! I think you'll live.) "OK! Well, tell her not to do that nicely."  (Aside: Of course, what I meant was be nice when you tell her not to do that. But since I was blogging I couldn't make a coherent sentence. Besides, Max has a very bad habit of being a little snappy, not that she didn't deserve it in this instance...)

Max (to Wild Thing and NOT nicely): Mom said to do it nicely! So there!

And I immediately stopped reading the blog I was on (sorry MelNel) and had to blog it.

A few random things

• Do you ever eat to punish yourself? I do. And I've been doing it for about three days now. I actually have a running dialogue going on in my head. I discuss how I'm not hungry (and it's true) and I am trying to lose weight and eat healthier. My response to myself is I should just eat it and forget it. Get it over with. I mean, it's going to happen, why not just let it? It's horrible. I do not stop (I won't say can't, because I know this is a choice) when I am full. I eat the rest of whatever it is until it's gone. I do not eat just a portion or "some of" something. Once it's started, I do not stop until it's gone. Even if I'm painfully full. Even when I know I shouldn't. Even when I know I'm going to be sad about it later.
• DH is turning 40 this year! We were going to go to Amelia Island with the kidlets to celebrate, but the golf course he was mainly going for is closed for renovations until November. So we'll be doing that next year. For now, though, he has decided that he would like to have a party. I'd like to surprise him by finding one of his friends from when we were in college. I've searched Google in the regular way and in pictures. Nothing. I have no idea how to find this person. Are there any free ways to do this? Your ideas are welcome. I'd really like to surprise him.
• Again with the birthday. We had a terrific beer while visiting Nine Fine Irishmen in the NYC Casino in Vegas. It's called Smithwick's and is seriously one of the best beers I've ever had. It's made by the folks at Guiness. It has only a limited release in the US and is usually only available via keg. If you have any idea how I can get a keg of this shipped to OK, please let me know and you'll earn yourself an invite to the shindig. This would be the bar-none best-ever most-favoritest gift he'd ever receive. Update: I have read that you can also find it in bottles but it doesn't taste as good as the tap. I'll take what I can get if you have any ideas!
• I'm off to make a list of things I need to accomplish this week. If I don't, I'm going to dink away my time and efforts all over again. That makes me so frustrated!

Skating aftermath

The skating party was fun for all. Normally I would drop Max at a birthday party, but you must have been dropped on your head if you think I was about to drop him at the skating rink. Not no way, not no how. Uh uh. And he was delighted.

As we were walking into the rink we could already hear the music beating. Wild Thing was so excited she could hardly contain her energy in her little body. She danced all the way in. Max, ever the subdued one, simply walked. I rented skates for the kiddos and they were off like, well, honestly, they were off like a herd of turtles. About 30 minutes in it became apparent that I would need to rent skates of my own and help.

The problem with this is that I was only wearing flip-flops. I went to the front desk and asked if I could buy some socks. "Oh no! We have some you can borrow!" and out comes the box-o-socks. Being a mother does things to you. Situations that would have broken the deal before kids are now just situations to be endured while you make your kids happy. So I donned a pair of socks and got my skates.

I spent the next 2.5 hours skating with Wild Thing (and ocassionally Max). I have to tell you that my left arm is longer than my right arm today because of the pulling that Wild Thing did. Regardless of what she was doing, Wild Thing never stopped dancing. Max did a pretty good job of staying up with his friends. Overall, I'd say it was a success.

Today I offered to take them to the park so they could learn to ride two-wheelers. Although Wild Thing was all over it, Max burst into tears and wailed, "But I just learned how to skate! Isn't that enough for you?" A bit dramatic if you ask me.

I thank you all for the bike riding advice. I just wanted to let you know that I've been working with Max using the hill/coast method for over a year. Yes, he learned on the first day. He can ride his bike all over the grass on the hill. He can turn. But he refuses to turn and ride back to where we started. And he definitely refuses to ride on cement. He won't ride a bike with me unless he has training wheels on it even though, technically, he can. We have serious confidence issues. I'll try again in about two weeks. I'll let you know how it goes.

All skate, all skate!

Max received an invitation to a birthday party. That's always fun--Excitement! Giggling! But this time after the initial glee wore off,  there was a defeated frown. This party is taking place at a skating rink (yes, silly, they still have them--though they are few and far between) and Max didn't know how to skate. Until tonight! After our baseball game my husband and I strapped the skates on the kids and taught them how to "push-and-glide"! Oh it was fun. Seriously. Fun.

Max took to it so quickly I was amazed. This is the boy who can't ride a two-wheeler. The boy who just this year consented to getting a scooter. The boy who never tries anything new because he may fail. Within 10 minutes Max was skating by himself. And not on those pansy four-wheeled things either. Uh-uh. Roller blades.

A mother cannot describe the joy in her heart and the warmth of her body when she sees her child learn a new skill and find pride in his accomplishment. W00t indeed! He was handing out all sorts of unsolicited advice to Wild Thing regarding her technique. Luckily, Wild Thing adores her big brother and took it in stride.

One last thing: I may have told a slight fib once he was really going after it. I may have said, "Hey! You know what? Learning how to skate is even harder than learning how to ride a bike!" Max was all over it. We may actually learn to ride a two-wheeler this weekend! I mean, what 8 yo can't ride a two-wheeler? It's been a very large source of frustration at this house. Keep your fingers crossed for us. I really want to take a bike ride with the kids on 6 wheels instead of 10.

What the . . . ?

OK, seriously. I'm now getting SPAM comments. One of the comments in my "Melanie Needs" post posted something about P1ayboy links. What? This must stop. Does anyone else get this garbage?